Let’s face it. We all have been rejected various times in our lives.
The other day, I was checking my mails to gauge what’s happening with the stories or my freelancing proposals sent to many publishing houses and companies.
Few got rejected, few got declined, while others had no answer. Rejection hurts, and it always will. Learn to live with this truth and make peace. Even God gets rejected, doesn’t mean he stops doing what he does best. It’s a part of the bigger scheme of things while growing.
“Rejection hurts, but your reaction decides the comeback or setback.”
It doesn’t matter who or how you got rejected. It can be a polite decline or a harsh no. Either way, it rubs on to you negatively. The sting of things not going your way engulfs you with a cringe feeling.
Let’s look at what some studies came up with
According to research from Case Western Reserve University, exposure to rejection led participants in a study to have an immediate drop in reasoning by 30% and in IQ by 25%.
Physical pain and intense feelings of social rejection “hurt” in the same way, a new study shows.
* The University of Michigan. (2011, March 30). The study illuminates the ‘pain’ of social rejection. ScienceDaily. Retrieved September 29, 2020, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110328151726.htm
What it does is- It jolts you. Inside out. A rejection fear typically implies losing self-confidence. We start observing it as an indication of our self-worth. Hence, with every rejection, our self-worth takes a beating.
Once you fail a job interview, you find yourself not cut out for the job. You fail an exam, and you lose interest in the subject. Hence, you get a rejection tag for yourself.
The fault is in our conditioning since the early life stage. Getting turned down is viewed as a sign of inadequacy. It stops people from trying again. Society loves a winner. What gets unnoticed is the fact that the winner was once a loser who got rejected multiple times until he made it.
Imperative that kids get schooled in the story of struggles for the people who made it big. Sadly, the narrative gets lost when they get exposed to success and achievement, but not the grind behind it.
Any exclusion from a social engagement, failing in some subject, or ignored for a promotion, rejection hurts. The way you choose to respond to being turned down, however, could ascertain the entire course of your future. Wage your little war against rejection psychology.
However, there are limited known techniques to deal with this. Rejection can be a potent tool if used in good spirits and rationally.
Here’s how you can deal with rejection dysphoria and shine- The practical approach
Acceptance ( Rejection is merely a redirection)
The most troublesome part is to accept that you got rejected. Your ego takes over, suggesting otherwise. Agreed, you may not be wrong or at fault and gave your best shot. Still, the pondering won’t work. Move on. Accept that it happened and start afresh. The baggage and the blow on the ego don’t make it any better.
You will procrastinate while the situation stays the way it was. The only help would be a comeback of a sort that brings back the lost confidence.
Feelings of embarrassment and disappointment are natural. Face them head-on.
Always remember, the turnaround happens when you face the situation, rather than avoiding them.
“Everyone at some point in life has faced rejection and failure, it is part of the process to self-realization.”- Lailah Gifty Akita
Avoid self-criticism ( At all costs )
Probably the most common recurrence is self-criticism. Something went wrong, and here you are self-loathing, and crying rivers, cursing yourself. Review what went wrong, but not at the cost of beating you down.
Consider doing things differently but chastizing yourself is a strict no. Things go wrong all the time, but we take everything in an individual capacity and make things personal.
At most times, it’s about the right fitment and situations rather than your deficiencies.
Stop the beating oneself down and chin up.
“The greatest trap in our life is not a success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection.”- Henri Nouwen
It means you’re trying ( Not many even try )
You got rejected because you tried. Isn’t it? That’s a start. What it indicates is the effort. It’s an indication that you put yourself out there and take a risk or a chance that may or may not work out. Someone who never tries won’t face rejections and is probably living in his shell or cocoon.
Love your rejections, for they show that you tried. If you fear rejection, you give up trying, and that’s even worse than the fear of rejection.
” I love my rejection slips. They show me I try.”- Sylvia Plath
Don’t let rejection define you ( Trust me, you are not your rejection)
Yes, you got turned down. So what? You are not your rejection. There’s no point defining yourself by a mere rejection in life.
You are no incompetent if you could not crack a job interview. Similarly, you don’t become ugly or unlovable if you get rejected by your love interest.
Mere incidents and opinions of people should never establish who you are. People may think differently from you, and that’s fine. The bottom line is your self-thoughts. You are not here to prove everyone right. View the rejections in perspective and keep at it.
“Rejection doesn’t define you, the way you handle it does.”
You failed ( Only if you fail to learn the lesson )
You got turned down, and probably you failed in your endeavor. That job you tried, turned you down. That friend of yours turned you down, or a promotion you wanted, rejected by your boss. You are not exclusive to face the above situations. Welcome to life. It happens with everybody.
The critical part is the learning you extract from these scenarios. People who crib and complain give in to their negative self-talk.
Treat rejections as opportunities. Be open to the teachings garnered out of them. Adversity is the best teacher, and recognizing that being turned down is a step in the right direction empowers your thoughts. What could take you down, will lift your spirits once you embrace it.
“Rejection gives you more power to push forward”-Jeremy Limn
Enough said already.
I’ve lost count of my rejections. Moreover, it’s a regular occurrence- small or big. Taking them in stride, learning, and moving on is the only possible worthy solution.
Either it gets to you, or you get to it is the only choice to be made.
Who knows this article may fall flat on its face. Nonetheless, there will always be something to learn.
“There’s nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself.”- James Lee Burke
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