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People Don’t Like It When You Try To Change For Better: Why?

Finding yourself alone when you try changing. Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash

We strive for betterment. It is a constant pursuit, one that puts you in a spot. For growth, you step out of the comfort zone and tweak things. Your long routines and habits are replaced by newer versions to accommodate the shift you so desperately seek.

We are supposed to get better and better as time goes by. Age like wine, they say, and we applaud the concept. 

Finally, we make that move and get into the groove. Leisure time becomes work, magazines swapped with self-help books. Something unusual happens though, people don’t seem to buy the idea of you changing. 

It is a strange occurrence since people close to you who pledge their unflinching support suddenly take the backseat. You are left gasping for reasons, and why not?

Aren’t close groups supposed to support you? In some cases, you find even the families against in unison.

Look back on your life, and you find instances of lack of support when you tried changing or altering things. 

Everybody fears change because a general belief in this respect goes: when a thing gets done in a particular way for a longer duration, it is invariably the best way to do it. A similar analogy applies to human relationships, and we tend to get comfortable with how the person has been for a while.

Embracing change, therefore, is a tricky situation for most. You are about to give up the existing way considered better for a newer preposition, supposedly unsure or apprehensive.

From an entirely evolutionary perspective, it’s relevant that familiarity produces liking because we use outside opinions and validations to define ourselves; it is a shock when someone close or familiar to us starts changing or tweaking things. Part of this issue attributes to the fact that familiarity provides a sense of safety. We all find solace within the known territory or a person. If something is known, it means we have survived the unknown and hence the connection. Our brain then drives us towards it, sensing the familiarity.

The issue being, when someone changes, the question of our existence arises. We cloud ourselves with apprehensions and anxiety about whether the shift will alter our defined course of life and how much effort or alteration is required to keep at pace with the other person who is an integral part of our life.

In all fairness, people care about what you want to do and support you. It’s just that they need to know who they are without your old self. 

Part of this problem is low individual self-worth amongst individuals. Clear logic would be a dependency on others as people are not self-reliant and depend on close ones. The self-identity crisis aggravates this misery. The tendency of viewing yourself through other’s perception makes people unsettled. Now that someone has decided to change would mean a switch from the existing pattern and a fear of how the other would re-evaluate them post changes.

Closing thoughts

There will be obstacles forever on the path that leads to a change. People close to you are an indispensable part of your life, and it calls for an even better judgment on your part. While resistance from closed ones can often stem from jealousy and the inability of self to change, it does not necessarily indicate poor intentions on their part. When you change, the little world around you needs adjusting too. Some find the change fair, while a few are surprised and baffled by the sudden shift. You often find resistance from close quarters, the one where you least expect this to happen. 

Understanding that your change shakes up the lives of others is the way forward. Keep people in the loop and reinforce them with positive thoughts and how things would continue to remain the same, even improve.

Inspire others to try changes while seeking their opinion on yours. Let them feel part of the process and keep empowering them throughout the journey.

Let me know if this was worth your while.

More on life Why Simplifying Your Life Helps: Secrets For A Simple Life

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Sincerely

thewriterhead

2 Comments »

  1. Well written post. A friend once told me that if someone ever comes to me an tells me “You’ve changed!” the best reply for it is “Thank you, I’ve worked hard for it.”

    Not many people like you changing because it sometimes make them feel less and try to pull you down. In our country we call it crab mentality. That’s why curating who goes into our lives is important.

    Liked by 1 person

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