Stop with the hatred in life. Mend, adapt, accept and move on. Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Remember that time of your childhood when you made a treaty with someone just because they hated the same person as you did?

“When two people hate the same person, they create the most powerful bond.”

Have you been in situations where you started hating someone for a reason as trivial like; “the other person has a better house or a car?”

It happens with most of us. Hatred is simple, while love needs effort on your part. Why put in the work when it’s easy to hate someone and vent out feelings?

Hate speech is such a common occurrence these days.

I have hated people all my life. I have lost count probably, so the number doesn’t matter now. 

When I was a small kid, I would hate someone just because he scored more runs than me, or has better clothes than me, or even a better pencil than me. 

Then I grew up and then hated people with better grades than me or a shinier bicycle than me.

The thing is, it was the easy thing to do. All I had to do was- just hate. What hatred did beautifully was to (put) blame on the other person. It was a relaxing exercise as I knew someone else is at fault choosing myself to be the righteous one.

To analyze: hatred is invigorating. When we feel weak, or frustrated hating another becomes our way to rise out of those stressful feelings. We can then easily redirect our pain to an external target. One who feels motivated and successful does not need hatred; they have plenty of enthusiasm. 

For the clueless, though, hatred is a potential weapon.

So, post-self-analysis and observing behaviors of people close to the immediate society we reside, there are a few common factors for this crisis.

To love and praise is hard. Hate is easier

Whatever science says, this holds for most of us. Hate is always easy because of human nature and our ego. We are competing with the other person. While the ideal scenario should be the one where you praise and love others, it doesn’t happen.

Our minds direct us, suggesting threats and clash with the contemporaries. Once you get zoned out to a territory where each person is a potential threat, you live with constant fear and hence start hating once things go awry.

Praising and loving someone is like saying, ” I would have not done so well as you did, or be accomplished like you are.” 

It’s like reflecting on your shortcomings and hence never easier. 

The next best thing then-Hate.

The insecurity blanket

Part of the reason is the insecurity that we all carry. When people are highly insecure, they compare themselves to other people. The thing is, they conclude that the other person is better or possesses traits that they won’t acknowledge that they also share. 

People start hating the other person to project their anxiety. Our insecurities play a huge part in dictating our hatred towards others. We are consistently under the scanner and are unsure about ourselves, leading to resentment for others. 

Since we cannot overcome our inhibitions, we find an easier way out and channelize our emotions towards hatred.

Rather than using our emotions and intellect to do the best for us, we put our entire focus on proving others wrong. 

Do read It’s You Vs. Who and Why?

Managing mutual differences

As mentioned earlier, hating is easy. How else would you manage a difference of opinion? 

It becomes the go-to or obvious method for the complex task of managing difference. It can range from opinions to caste and even language. We live within a community and social fabric designed to enforce beliefs suited to us. Once there is a deviation from the expected, it turns into hatred.

Often, we find ourselves in a situation where our beliefs and theories get challenged by an individual or a community.

Differences are good, but when they reach a certain point where self-identity and community beliefs get threatened, it no longer remains a rational situation.

Rather than accepting the uncertainty of an unclear difference, we choose to hate.

Someone has to be blamed and hated: The fall scapegoat

When an individual suffers from anxiety or stress, and they are clueless on a resolution, they look for the fall guy or a scapegoat. This gives an opportunity to put the blame and hatred on someone else, liberating oneself from any accountability.

How else would you shirk away from your responsibility? 

You may be facing problems at work, relationships, or insecurity. It becomes convenient to channelize the entire negativity towards someone freeing yourself from the pressure arising due to your shortcomings.

Hate allows you to find peace and ease. It pleasures the inner you that is insecure and low on self-esteem.

The hate + hate bond: Hatred Bonding

We love structures and certainty in life. It helps when we know what we are up against. We are fond of making groups and marking territories. 

Humans love distributing people into groups. We have an internal group with who we connect and an external group that is aloof due to certain beliefs and conditioning of ours.

Hating someone clearly sends a signal marking boundaries between social circles. Our bonds are strong when we know mutual liking and disliking alike. 

Announcing a clear hatred or dislike for someone forms a stronger bond within the internal group

Rather than exposing your vulnerabilities, you may share your common hatred with someone due to your personal experience. It leads the listener towards a strong bond formed due to your story. 

Our want of the intimate and internal bonds are one of the biggest driving factors for hatred. 

Closing thoughts

The world moves on and so should you. Move on towards love and praise for others. Not everything can be measured through your belief and patterns, hence, understand the perspective and what others bring to the table. Once you adapt yourself to the differences, the power struggle would end. In a constant pursuit to gain upper hand over others, we incur a loss in form of happiness.

Yes, you may be right but it’s better to be human than being right all the time.

Read this too Who Are The Truly Happy People And Why?

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