The 3 basics: No fancy stuff

A friend helping the other one. Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay 

The word gets thrown around loosely as we struggle to find a mid-word that may describe the relationship other than referring to someone as a friend. So, the word friend comes to the rescue. 

Notwithstanding the actual discussion, even the word comes to the rescue in times of need. 

We all have friends, and then we have-“the friends.” 

What is the difference between a true friend and some acquaintance? 

Behavioral scientists describe close friendship as a relationship that involves a long-lasting bond of sacrifice and moments. A true friend prioritizes your happiness, takes care of your interests, and you miss them when they’re not around.

With the advent of social media and different modes of communication, it seems that defining friends or friendship is rather typical since you have so many of them.

I had a few friends earlier, and then came Facebook. But wait, has social media expanded my circle for sure? 

Yes, I may contact more people now and wish the standard “happy birthday,” but the feelings haven’t taken a hit for the close group or enhanced for the FB clan. 

I still maintain the good old group with a few additions, but the wavelengths differ for everybody. 

Aside from the close or the best friend analogy, let’s discuss the friends in our lives. How do we know that someone is a friend for sure?

The aspect of knowing who your friends are is like walking. It’s natural because you tend to categorize people freely. There’s not much thought process involved other than expanding your group to feel liked and wanted.

Then how do you know if someone is your friend? The real deal.

The only three things you should know to certify within your head and seal the deal are:

You can tell them your bad news.

Understand this carefully. The only people you would want in your life are the ones who don’t judge you. 

We get trained in a way that restricts us from sharing any bad news from somebody. We fear judgment and sarcasm that gets hurled at us. We fear a loss of reputation and our long made image and the dent it may take. 

When did you last faced this situation, and were you comfortable telling it to somebody?

If you did tell and to whom, that somebody is your friend.

We complicate things on the pretext of unclarity of thoughts while trying to come up with some vague definitions of friendship.

It’s a simple premise. You have someone who can hear you out without judging and not shitting with how something bad happened to them once.

You can tell them your bad news, and they will lend you your ears, and not the mind to evaluate. 

Sometimes you only need someone to hear and not make conclusions.

So, a friend is someone who hears you and lets you vent out the feelings of something bad that happened that you are comfortable telling without any fear of being scrutinized.

You can tell them your good news.

It is weird, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want to hear the good news?

Exactly, there will be people who will hear the news, and then there will be some who help you celebrate. Friends who make things great. 

Let’s face it that we all have trouble sharing something good. First, we think about how did something good happened to me, and then we are too anxious. There’s this inherent doubt as to how the other might take that news.   

You are lucky if you have friends that help you celebrate once you break them some great news. They let you have fun and celebrate without an iota of doubt. It only happens with great friends as others would congratulate or praise you, but deep-down they detest due to their insecurities. 

Good friends are genuinely happy with your news while others would be like- something good happened with me yesterday or a year back, or with someone else. They’ll come with all sorts of excuses to sound casual and to bring down the intensity. 

If someone always seems to get put off when things go your way, they naturally don’t want things to go your way. 

We all feel a little envious of a friend who succeeds, but if someone is consistently making this a habit while ruining your day, they aren’t your friend to start with.

Avoid these people at all costs and surround yourself with people who want the best for the best part of you. Be with someone who contributes to your development.

Who’s always there. No questions asked.

You (late hours): Hey, I’ve got an emergency. Can you make it quick?

Friend: What happened? At least tell me as I’ve got an early day tomorrow or I am like out with someone.

Not a friend or the one to be trusted upon. See, I am not saying everybody can be present everywhere all the time, but the intent is clear. For a few of your pals, you’ll know they are not gonna make through in times of despair. 

True friends come through for you when the going gets tough with no questions asked. 

How does it even matter if you need to explain someone everything during a crisis? Remember, you need a friend, not your lawyer.

A friend is someone you can call when you need to be bailed out of a bad situation without an explanation.

It’s like trusting someone at your darkest hour to show up and free you from the mess. The subtleties to be dealt with later.

Closing thoughts

Having good friends is like a treasure, only not hidden. Consider yourself extremely fortunate if you have good friends.

Strong relationships develop over time, and like most things in life, you reap what you sow. The critical part is, analyzing your close group and identifying who fits the bill. 

Real friends not only stay with us as we progress, but they also help us want to be better versions of ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

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